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Bringing the obvious to the attention of those in turmoil.      
How not to feel guilt - life happens!
Many people feel guilt when they withdraw from their partner or suddenly feel the need for another partner, especially if they are the loyal type.  But they should analyze their feelings and when their emotions changed.   It will be easier for me to list the possible reasons and I shall be stating the obvious, but that will save making a complete list for yourself.   There will be many more reasons that can cause one to fall out of love, and I would really appreciate it if any readers can add more reasons to this list.  

1:  Living together has become boring.
2:  There is nothing new to know about each other.
3:  Complacency has set in.
4:  You have not 'grown' together.
5:  One or both of you have intensely irritating habits.
6:  Either one has changed physically or emotionally, and is a different person than the one who entered the relationship.
7:  You do not like each others friends, or you like them too much.
8:  You have put up a barrier due to a guilt feeling of your own, as in feeling you are not, or cannot be a good wife.  Or; Have not been able to forgive yourself or partner for a past indiscretion.
9:  Opinions differ too much.
10: Morals are far too different.
11: The chemistry has gone.
12: One or both are not affectionate enough.
13: There is not enough physical appeal or sexual contact and satisfaction.
14: You do not enjoy each others company or interests.
15: They take up your personal space and you prefer being alone,or with your friends.
16: You feel left out when they prefer their friends to your company.
17: You are more sexually interested in other new men, or women.
18: You start to fantasize about someone else and yearn to have a relationship.

These are legitimate reasons for why a partner may 'stray' and, if they are not contemplating leaving the relationship, they ought to be, or they will end up having affairs, learn to lie, sneak around, and feel terrible about being so unfaithful to their partner.

Living with someone with a few of these feelings, will be far WORSE and more damaging to your spirit, than living alone, for then, you will NOT feel so alone when you can spend ALL your spare time, with those you truly want to be around.  Friends can easily be made and if you are a good friend, you will have good friends in return.

No-one ought to go through this kind of daily partner trauma through being scared of separation or a divorce.  You do not need to go onto another partner, only to find yourself in the same situation.  Take the time and be incredibly choosy.  Make sure that any of the above reasons to fall out of love, are not there, as it usually can be seen from the early days.  At that time, one is likely to be more forgiving, and hope a change will occur.  Be sensible, this will not happen, or certainly, will not be long-lasting.  Be honest and never drag it out, as you will not be thanked for it later.  Why go through a longer hell, when it will take so much more time to build a new, (but exciting) life for yourself anyway?  

A  peaceful and happier home is also kinder to children of the marriage, and although at first it is all upsetting, they soon settle in to two separate homes.  They can even find it thrilling, with the extra presents and quality time lavished on them.  Better for all round that the children are not able to become bitter about the many years they experienced in being around their parents arguments with the cold or anxious atmospheres.  Children are adaptable and far more forgiving as children, than when they become teenagers. (Absolute, personal proof here!)

If you feel unable to share your children with your ex-partner's new partner, you will need to train yourself to accept that this HAS to be and make the whole thing as positive as possible. Everyone can only benefit from this attitude.  As long as you stay constantly understanding in a way your children will always want to talk to you about every worry they go through, knowing it be dealt with in a calm and efficient manner, you will all stay as close as you are now.  If your reaction causes concern to the child, they will hide things so as not to cause extra trouble. 

I feel this is the most difficult part of any divorce, as this part needs the patience of a sage and the analyzing way of a Guru. It means keeping your personal hurts to yourself, or only sharing them with your best friend, who will be as discreet as you are.  It will be one of the short cuts to helping the spirit evolve, and possibly, the spirits of your children too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(If anyone needs some support to be brave in a difficult situation, contact me.  I am certified in the university of life and trauma, ready to be of service.  Of course, all free and in between my busy projects.)



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How not to feel guilt - life happens!